Thoughts on Thursdays: 21st Century Office

What do you think - Is this at home or at work?

This is an interesting one for me, and probably for anyone who works and has small children.  There is a push, a movement, an "enlightened desire" to move into this new looking office environment.  With today's technology, we are constantly connected . . . to everything.  I don't know about you, but I literally wake up to my iPhone (because I use it for my alarm), and I automatically (sometimes before I even actually open my eyes) start checking my email.  I've yelled at myself a lot about this because, seriously, what am I going to do with email information at 5:30 in the morning?  Especially since I checked it at midnight right before I went to bed!

On the bus in to work, I am answering emails about kids' soccer, upcoming work meetings, legal matters.  While adding sugar to my tea at the library coffee shop, I am answering phone calls, making appointments and looking at my calendar for the day.

When I get to my office, I crank up all my systems and begin . .  . doing pretty much the same thing.  But I may also pick up the phone and confirm the dentist appointment for my youngest, make a call into the oldest's teacher to discuss last nights' homework, and order the cereal we love on Amazon.com (which rocks by the way).

What's my point?  There is a blurred line between work and home when you are a working parent.  The 9-5 box no longer really defines what I do at the office or what I do at home.  Work places are trying to understand this, and TRYING to make room for the new blurry work hours and needs of a working mom . . . but it still has a long way to go.

Case in point.  Where I work, our new guy has repeatedly touted that we are a "21st Century Office."  I love this idea!  He has let us know that he "understands our laptops are our office", that sometimes we can be "somewhere else, but still at work", and that we do not need to "punch the clock" to demonstrate our effectiveness.  GREAT!  HOORAY!  "If you can't make it in and you plan to do work offsite, just make sure we know where you are and generally what you're working on.  I don't want to feel like I'm looking for detailed intenaries."

So the first time I needed to stay home due to a pre-school closing, I popped an email off to the new guy and actually gave more detail than he had indicated he needed, because that's what I'm used to from former work places.  I explained how many hours I'd be working extra each day this week from home and specifically what I would be working on (almost in detail) in order to make up for the time I'd be home.  An hour later I got an email back stating, "Oh I totally understand your need to work from home.  Can you please tell me specifically the hours you are working and the specific outcomes of your work for each time frame.  Thanks!"

What?

21st Century Office?

Am I complaining?  Not really.  I do wonder if the five emails from coworkers the previous week stating "Working from home tomorrow, see you later!" (Literally) were met with the same request for more specific details, or if it was the fact that I PROVIDED details that made me subject to more specific questioning.

Anyway, it's just an interesting thought.  I've worked in several places where working from home is possible, and put out there as an option, but then the manager can't really let go of the need to minutely micro-manage, instead of just allowing the work to be done.  And I understand that some people just can't work from home.  I'm not one of those people.  While I can work from home, and am actually much more productive when I do, I prefer to come in to an office.  I just feel like most managers would rather see you sitting at a desk for 8 hours, even if you're not really doing anything, than know that you were at home, and took only 2 hours to complete the work that others would have taken a week to do.  Most managers still want the TIME more than they really want the productivity.

My two cents.  Thoughts?

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Thoughts on Thursdays: Moving

There's not really a point to this blog today. I wanted to write. So here's the dribble.

Moving is not easy.  Leaving friends.  Leaving stores you know.  Leaving support mechanisms that it took years to cultivate. 

But it was a necessary evil for the kids and I, because we just weren't making it in the craziness of DC suburb life.

So here we are nearly 1-1/2 months into our new home, our new schools, our new routines.  Some of the things that are working better in NC than in VA:

1. The kids have TOTALLY adjusted beautifully!
2. Having the kids' rooms upstairs and mine downstairs creates a sense of (needed) "division" between the adult and the kid world.
3. Kids get moving easier in the morning and are dressing themselves.
4. I've got the morning routine down to a science and we are able to eat breakfast together.
5. I've got lunches and snacks down to a science (thanks to my friend's blog advice on waste-free lunches.
6. Homework is getting done in aftercare so I only need to check and review rather than fight the kids to do it when we get home in the evening.
7. The weather is nicer - in general - not sure I really understand why - but it is.
8. Screened in back porch with alley way for kids to play in allows them to have some extra time at the end of the day outside.  Good for everyone.

Some things that are not quite so great yet in NC compared to VA:

1. No Tues/Thurs meals and kitchen cleaning.  (Diane and Daughter I MISS YOU GUYS!!!)
2. No good mother's group that I can ask local advice from . (I still rely heavily on my Leesburg/Ashburn group! :)
3. No friends to meet up with for a Mom's Night Out.
4. Target is 25 minutes away.
5. I am still getting hounded with legal petitions from X and have already had to drive up to VA and back twice in the first month of moving down here.
6. FIRE ANTS!
7. (I think, perhaps, #5 and #6 might be related.)

Well, that's about it for my thoughts for today.  Ho hum.  But tomorrow is Friday!

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The Poop Goes Here, Micky . . .

The poop goes here Micky.

Yep.

Right here.



Why is this concept so difficult for my three-year old?  He's potty trained.  He's sleeping through the night and waking up clean and dry.  But he has not . . . ever . . . never . . . (okay, ONE time, by some accidental miracle) pooped in the toilet! 

He doesn't act scared.  He doesn't scream about it.  He just won't do it.  Not at school.  Not at home.  Not on the road.  In fact, he actually saves it up for as long as he can.  As evidenced by the MASSIVE size that when dumped from the pants, completely stops up the toilet, even without a scrap of toilet paper added.  Which, I would like to add, seems like a physical impossibility.  I mean, c'mon.  Look at the picture up there.  How does something come out of Micky but not go down that toilet?!?

Anyway, I have tried (as recommended by pediatricians and friends) fiber, laxatives, more water, less milk, treats, charts, pizza, movies.  NOTHING has motivated him to go in the toilet.  In fact, the more we try, the longer he simply holds it.  He knows how to NOT poop in his pants, just not how to get it in the toilet.

And the best part?  I always know when the accursed poop has finally made its way out of my poor little Micky.  He is hiding under the table in the playroom, or the kitchen, or behind the bunk beds in his room.  Without fail.  Accident = hide under a table or bed.

So I know Micky doesn't want to do this.  But how do I help him? 

I'm open to suggestions.

Please.

Poop in the toilet.

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Our Bags are Packed!

Well, not really.  But I have decided that I am going to start saving up to take my kids (and myself of course) somewhere fun and exciting each year.  Clearly my first trip will have to be at least a year from now in order for me to have time to save up.  But, I'm serious!  I really want to do this.

I remember years ago, before I had kids, my friend Sue making fun of me for declaring that when I had kids, I would never let them slow me down.  She teased me saying she could just see me throwing my kids in a sling on my back and hiking through Europe like it was no big deal.  And I visualized myself doing just that, and it made me smile.  Somewhere along the way, I lost some of that momentum . . . naturally.  But I am ready to put that dream into play now!

I'm trying to create a Top 10 list of places I want to take them (one for the US, and one for out of the US) and it's been fun just thinking about it.  Obviously, this is only one trip a year, so if I am even able to do this, it will realistically take me 20 years to accomplish.  At some point my kids may get sick of me dragging them around and tell me to back off . . . but I'm hoping they don’t.

So . . . where shall we go? My friend Jen told me I should start with English-speaking countries since the kids are small.  Makes sense.  We could do the whole England, Scotland, Ireland thing . . .

Then I came across this blog http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2009/04/ten-great-things-to-do-with-kids/

Yes!  This looks like so much fun!  Granted, I kinda have a love-hate relationship with France.  But I think it would be a fun place to start.

Anyway, here’s a tentative list I’ve started.  I only have five each at this point, but I’d love your feedback!

Non-US:

1.      UK

2.      France

3.      Spain

4.      Italy

5.      Russia

US:

1.      Lake Tahoe

2.      Yosemite

3.      Grand Canyon

4.      San Francisco

5.      Boston

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What All Mom's Dream Of

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel... She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?...
''Yes," was his incredulous reply..
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'
By: Laughter is Cheaper than Medicine
https://www.facebook.com/laughterischeaperthanmedicine

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Just a Little Heart Attack

'Just a Little Heart Attack' Video - ABC News

This video is near and dear to my heart.  No so much for the fact that it reminded me EXACTLY of my morning routine (minus the husband and - thankfully - minus the actual heart attack), but because I have had issues with high blood pressure that I wanted to ignore, or pass off, or deny.  Twice in my life I was diagnosed with severe hypertension.  Tests were run, family history taken.  There was nothing anyone could point to . . . other than stress. 

I was medicated  . . . and I HATE medicine!  But hearing the doctors tell me that if I kept ignoring it or refused to take the medication, I very likely would suffer a stroke, annurism, or death before I was 40 (leaving my kids all alone), made me stop and listen. 

It's hard to beleive, when you are a "super mom" that anything aside from a broken leg could keep you down; that unless you are bleeding from your ears, there must not be anything wrong with you.  I know MANY, MANY of you out there can relate, and I don't want to lecture.  But I do want to remind you . . . if you are dead, you canNOT help your kids anymore.

Please watch this - and laugh!  And then listen - and take it seriously.

'Just a Little Heart Attack' Video - ABC News

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Reconciliation

Tonight Renton celebrated his First Penance. It's a momentous step because it's the first step in really becoming a grown up in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

This was one of those events that, in my mind, I visualized as a shining moment with my kids all polished and clean with freshly pressed clothes and rosy cheeks and bows in Emily's hair. I'd take lots of pictures and we'd remember the day for years to come.

Reality was slightly different.

Today was Wacky Wednesday at school. So the kids were dressed crazy and Renton had a head full of mousse and tiny ponytails. It snowed and there was a last minute emergency at work right when I needed to leave.

So here it was 6pm when I arrived at school to pick up the kids. We needed to transform Renton into church-ready clothes and hair, so we dunked him under the bathroom faucet and smoothed down his hair with our hands, threw on his dress clothes, still wrinkled from yesterday (Patriot Day) because there wasn't time last night to wash, dry and iron. Oh yah, and hand-me-down tennis shoes because I've just not gotten around to buying him real honest-to-goodness dress shoes.

We arrived at St. John's right on time, at 6:45, and shuffled into the pews. Emily was still in her "wacky" crazy frizzy hair, t-shirt, Irish Rugby shorts, and Christmas slippers. Micky was dressed in his Buzz Lightyear shirt that he refuses to take off, and had at least a days' worth of stains on it, goldfish crumbs still on his face and hands.

I looked around at the other parents and kids who looked put together, clean, and fed. Mine were starting to grumble along with their tummies because we hadn't had time for dinner yet and were waiting to hit CiCi's Pizza after church as a reward.

In this moment, my ex's horrible and persistent comments about how I was "unfit to be a mother", how I "couldn't handle being the sole custodian", how "stupid church and religion are" started flooding through my brain.

My kids did look tired and a little hungry and even though that made sense because it was the end of a long day (even Father Mossiman joked about his own shirt tails hanging out and collar being unbuttoned) I still felt some pangs of guilt. Was I doing the right thing? Was I bringing up my kids "right"?

And then, Micky knelt down next to me, took my hand, and murmured the Our Father. Emily walked over to a little girl who was crying out of nervousness, and put her arm around her to comfort her. And Renton came out of his first ever confession beaming because the priest had prayed for him to find peace, and Renton was confident that he would.

In that moment, I found peace.

We may not have been the most "put together" family, but I honestly didn't feel judged by anyone there. Not by anyone but the ghosts of mean words from a person wholly incapable of understanding goodness or family or likely even real love.

Tonight, Renton wasn't the only person receiving Reconciliation. And while we weren't shining and pressed on the outside, we were glowing and warm on the inside, and it was a day I am confident we WILL all remember for years to come.

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Guinea Pigs – An Unlikely Lesson on Marital Roles and Responsibilities

Renton reading his book about Guinea Pigs

Renton, my oldest, has always has a unique perspective on life. From asking Santa, at 4 years old, to make him Chinese for Christmas, to one day announcing, at 5 years old, that “Europe and Asia are like plants in a garden that have grown intertwined with weeds and are now almost impossible to separate.”  Renton is fascinated by relationships between things, especially people.

Last week, he brought home a new reading book from school.  This book is all about animals, and that night’s homework was a reading on keeping Guinea Pigs as pets.  Renton really wants to have a pet.  We already have a few things going on in our lives (sarcasm here) so I’ve told him that he may have to wait until he is grown up and living on his own to have one.  He was only too happy to read this passage to me and demonstrate how much he alreday knew about keeping pets.

The last section of the reading was entitled, “If you want to have a happy, healthy Guinea Pig, follow these steps:”

Renton proudly read aloud:

“Step 1: Feed your guinea pig twice a day."

"Step 2: Pick up the food after 15 minutes."

Renton stopped at this point, looked up at me, and serious as could be asked me, “Why would I do all this work?  I’d just get my wife to do it.”

My mouth quite literally dropped open.  I just looked at him, trying to gauge if he was being serious.  Renton just looked at me.  Apparently he was seriously waiting for an answer.

Oh boy.

The first answer that popped into my head was actually a question, “Renton, do I do all the work around the house?”  But I stopped myself before asking because, of course, the answer would have been “yes, mom, you do.” Because, well, I’m a single mom. 

Crap. 

How do I answer this question in a supportive, directive way, expressing the importance of equality and mutual respect in a marital relationship, and provide real-life examples given our present “parental situation.”

Okay, let’s try this tack, “Renton, if Mommy gets married again, do you think I will do all the work around the house?”

This one stumped Renton for a minute.  “Well . . . . “ I could see the wheels turning in his head as he honestly gave this some thought.

“Well . . . if I am working, who would take care of the Guinea Pig?”

I followed with another question, “What if your wife works, too, Renton?”

“Hmmm . . .”  More thinking on his part.

“I guess I would need to leave her some notes for a while until she got the hang of it.”

Ugh.  This wasn’t getting any better.  And this last comment actually almost made me sick in my stomach.  Where was Renton getting these ideas from?  Did he feel like marriages should be like this and maybe because his father’s and mine wasn’t that was what caused the divorce?  Or was this just the simple, blank-and-white thinking of a second grader?  There didn’t seem to be any malice attached to his comments or thinking, it just seemed like the practical answer to him.

Finally, I decided to take a more direct tack, “Renton, when you get married, you and your wife will share a lot of responsibilities.  You will have to talk to each other and figure out who is going to do what.  You can’t just assume that your wife will WANT to take care of your Guinea Pig.  And you will want to talk to her about it, not leave her notes.”

Renton looked down at his book for a few minutes, then looked back up at me.

“Okay.  She can work and I will stay home and take care of the Guinea Pig.”

If only life and relationships were this simple. 

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Knocking on Wood

Micky - 1 year old - smearing applesauce
all over the table and (5 seconds later) his hair.

My youngest is an experiential child.  He loves to experience EVERYTHING!  And most of the time, he wants to experience EVERYTHING with EVERY ONE of his five senses.  If he were a super-hero, he’d be “sensory-man” for sure.  He’s also intense and expressive, so you will never be mistaken about whether he loves or hates what he’s experiencing.

This lovely trait makes life both exceptionally entertaining . . . and terribly frustrating.

One of Micky’s favorite ways to “experience” something is by rubbing it into his hair.  I don’t know exactly when or why this started, but he’s been doing it since he was a baby.  Food is a given.  There has been oatmeal, yogurt, mushy cheerios, orange juice, milk and on at least one occasion, all of these at the same time.  He has colored his hair with markers, crayons and paint, stuck tape in his hair, rubbed play dough and silly puddy in his hair, stickers and ribbons and toys have all had their moment of fame in Micky’s hair.

Ironically, Micky HATES to have his hair washed.  He cannot stand anything getting near his head if it involves water from a tap.  (I attribute this to the multiple ear-infections he suffered from before finally getting tubes put in his ears – he’s terrified of water getting in his ears).

Last night, while I was getting Renton and Emily sorted out before bed, Micky decided he wanted to brush his teeth by himself.  Triumphantly proud of this “big boy” step on Micky’s part, I let him do it.  While straightening pjs, and picking out bedtime books with my two oldest, the silence coming from the bathroom began to set off miniscule little alarms in my head.

Then Micky popped out of the bathroom with a great big grin on his face and his hair spiked up into a nearly perfect Mohawk.  “Look Mommy!  Me fix my hair!”  He beamed.

“That’s great Micky!” I complimented him, though now certain that the teeth brushing had likely NOT occurred.

Then I got a closer look at him.  There were shiny globs of glistening “stuff” around his eyebrows, and what I initially thought was just water in his hair began to show much more substance than a liquid alone would.  Then the scent hit me.  Unmistakable.  Minty fresh and sinus-opening.

Vapo-rub.

Micky had liberally applied nearly an entire jar of vapo-rub (infant type thank goodness) all over his hair and face.  Surprisingly, I didn’t even panic.  I just looked at him.  This was totally par for the course for my little Micky.

“We’re going to have to wash that out honey.”  (Oops.  I had said the dreaded word, “wash”.)

Twenty minutes, kicks, crying, water splashed bathroom mirror and faucet panic later, Micky’s face was clean (no traces in the eyes) and his hair was freshly washed and sticking up via water alone.  He climbed into my bed in his footsy jammies ready for his bedtime story, happy, content, trauma forgotten. 

And while a faint menthol aroma still floated in the air, Micky snuggled under my arm with his book,  and I happily thought to myself, at least it wasn’t poop.

(knock on wood)

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Think of a Happy Place

I just ran across this adorable picture of Micky sleeping and I got all excited because I was inspired to write a post about how peaceful he can be, or some peaceful time in the household, or ways to relax, or something along that strain.

Of course, as I was attaching the picture, with all these lovely thoughts floating through my head . . . Emily and Micky suddenly decided to jump off the couch, throw pillows and smack each other.  I gave them a warning.  Five seconds later a sliothar (very similar to a baseball) slammed into the wall and Emily and Micky erupted into difiant laughter.

"Alright guys.  Up to your room."

They went, pretty willingly, but Emily decided to sass on her way up and throw her big stuffed dog down claiming she "didn't want it!"

"Okay, Emily.  Leave it there then."

By the time we got to their rooms, Emily had (not surprisingly) changed her mind.  She wanted the dog back.  Too late.

So at this moment, rather than waxing poetic about the peaceful slumber of little children, I am trying to drown out the merciless combination of screaming whines coming from Emily's room and mournful wails from Micky's.

Maybe I will put my headphones in, play a lullaby full blast, and just stare really hard at this picture. 

I'll let you know how that goes. . .

Think of a happy place.  Think of a happy place.  Think of a happy place.

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A Tribute to De Facto Single Moms

When I started this blog, it was not about putting myself on a pedestal because I was a single mother, or a working-single-mother or a crazy-overacheiving-working-single-mother.  It was because I needed a place to get out the craziness of what it was like being a MOTHER, who happened to also be single and working and a little bit crazy.  I needed to vent.  I needed to let people who knew me and thought I “had it all together” know that I most certainly did NOT have it all together; in fact I was lucky if I had even 2% of it together most of the time.   The “single” part clearly makes mothering more difficult, but as I myself experienced through most of my marriage, and I know from talking to currently married mothers, you can be married and still be a “single mom.” 

I want to preface this by saying that I am not husband bashing.  I think marriage is an amazing, wonderful, sacred thing (or at least it should be).  And that each marriage carries with it a different set of responsibilities and rules and obligations and arrangements.  Hopefully, they are respectful, and equal out in ways that outsiders (or insiders) may not notice at first glance.   I believe whole-heartedly that there are amazing men out there who really do get involved, and WANT to be involved, and present, and helpful and caring around the home and regarding parenting.

But there are many, many mothers out there who, for one reason or another, are doing the parenting thing alone (deployed husbands, work-aholic husbands, checked-out husbands).  And ladies, I admire you all more than you know!  You have hard work on your hands. 

But I have learned a few things over my two years of doing it totally alone (and by "totally alone" I mean with amazing help and support of friends and family and even strangers in Target sometimes when I finally learned how to ask for and receive that help).  And I want to share those lessons with you.  So PLEASE:

1.       Remember to let the little things go – your sleep is worth more than picking up an abandoned game piece or toy or even the kitchen sink.

2.       Ask for help – from your husband (if you have one) and from your kids.  It’s never too late to start learning (and expecting) shared responsibilities.

3.       Absolutely remember to take care of yourself – especially if no one else is going to or can.

4.       Brushing your teeth every day is good – sometimes it is the little routines that keep you going even when you don’t want to.

5.       Give yourself a break – you do NOT have to do everything – the Earth will keep on spinning, your kids will get fed, and demonstrating respect for yourself is one of the best gifts you can ever give your children.

Here is the “humorous” story one of my friends posted on Facebook that made me start thinking of how hard all mom’s out there work, single or not.

******************************

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, 'I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed'.

... She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk, wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.'

I'm on my way,' she said. She put some water into the dog's dish then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was off.

She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. 'I'm going to bed'

And he did. Without another thought.

******************************

And now, I am going to bed.

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When it Sucks to be a Single Mom

(I'm going to throw a teensy pity party. But I'll try to keep it short :)

Okay, let's be honest. MOST of the time it sucks. But I always tell people it's all about perspective. And if you want to be happy, then do your darnedest with what you've got, change what you can, get over the rest.

Yes, it's hard being a single mom to three kids with no family in the area. But if I had only one and did have family in the area, I'm sure I'd still feel overwhelmed . . . and underwhelmed, and lonely and hemmed in, and excited and warn out, and full of joy, and all the same emotions I feel now.

But there is one time in particular that I HATE being a single mom of three kids. When I'm sick. That's the time I feel it the most. Because that's the time when I LITERALLY am on my own and still have to hold it together to parent.

Just found out I have to have a procedure on Wednesday morning that requires . . . you guessed it . . . help. I'll be sedated. I am not allowed to drive. But my kids need to get to school, and at some point the hospital will kick me out and make me go home. Awesome.

It was too short notice to ask my parents to come up. Barry (who has already nursed me through two similar illnesses) is an ocean away. And it's a complicated matter to ask friends for something like this, especially when I feel I've used up all my chips as it is.

But just as I was figuring out how to drop the kids off at school, cab it to the hospital, cab home, cab back to hospital/school once sedatives wear off, pick up car/kids, feed, bathe, homework, put to bed said kids, all after having been on a "clear liquid" diet for two straight days and likely no energy or patience remaining, a miracle happened. A friend of mine from church (who I will name later if she'll let me) agreed to do all the driving for me! Hooray!

So thank you thank you thank you to all those who have helped me in my times of need (and there have been many). It is not easy to ask for or receive help. It's not easy to let your privacy go in the process of asking for or receiving help. But it humbles me every day, and I find myself actually being thankful for the lessons I've learned and the strength I've been given BECAUSE of being a single mom.

Being a single mom sucks sometimes. There's no getting around it. But I thank God for the remarkable people He has put in my life who hold my hand, pat my back, and lift me up along the way.

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Thoughts on Thursdays: 2011 Recap

Okay - following in the footsteps of my Women Who Write bloggers, Clueless But Hopeful and Beyond Diapers I am posting a fill-in-the-blank recap for 2011.  And by the way, I have edited this a few times in case you come back and it looks a little different.  (Accidentally left out a few of the questions).  And if the numbering is off, sorry.  That’s from editing as well.  My posts, just like my life, are always a work in progress.  Check back often to witness the changes. 

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Took a step back.
I wrote this first, then wrote the rest of the post, then came back to this and thought to myself, "Did I?"  Not sure if this statement is accurate anymore, as this is also the year I:

• Started writing a novel, Train Wreck
• Started writing my grandmother's memoir, My Life as a Saint
• Started a reusable bag line, HappyEarth Bags
• Started three new blogs to host my creative endeavors
• Started a programming class
• Travelled to Ireland twice

However, in my defense, I also:

• Took a break from writing when I knew it was overwhelming me.Canceled my Family Tree subscription when I realized I was staying up til 3am night after night chasing down the elusive new leaves that kept popping up.

Said "no" to making more snack bags and yoga bags before the end of the year, so that I could focus on my family instead.

Quit my programming class half way through but still managed a "B"

Stopped pulling weeds out of my yard when my fingers were bleeding and it wasn't making a difference anyway.

Learned to let the dishes pile up in the sink.

Learned to let the toys overwhelm the toy room.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think my only resolutions for 2011 were: 

• Survive
• Be true to yourself

I think I managed both.
This year, my resolutions are as follows:

• Do Less
• Believe in Yourself

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.  Sadly.  I LOVE babies!  =)  The kids keep asking me when we can adopt some babies to make a bigger family.  I love that they love babies, too, and feel loved enough to want to add more to our family.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.  Happily.

5. What countries did you visit?
Ireland.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
These kinds of questions are difficult for me because I don’t like “regret.”  However, if forced to answer a question like this, I would have to say, I would love to have more sleep, more adventures, and more stability.  Do those even go together?

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 29^th – thanks to a snow storm that kept my mom at my house an extra week, I was able to attend the DC Gaels’ Dinner Dance and Award’s Ceremony and met Barry.

Barry and Me at the Dinner Dance

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
FINANCES:  Made ends meet financially and was able to splurge a little on Christmas this year.  Got a promotion and a raise at work.
KIDS:  My BIGGEST achievement of the year was HANDS DOWN, cutting out the extracurricular activities for the kids.  Several months ago, I decided to drop EVERYTHING the kids were signed up for afterschool (except CCD) and it was the MOST liberating thing for all of us.  It gave us so much more time back and relieved us of so much stress!  I don’t care if my kids will not become master soccer players or Tae Kwon Do black belts at the age of 9 – WE will be a solid family!
SELF:  Finally hearing a positive inner voice.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not eating right.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Started the year with “Victorian” ailments:  Croup, Whooping Cough, Vitamin D deficiency and lice
Ended the year with “stress” ailments:  Migraines and Thyroid and Intestinal Issues   

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets to Ireland and an Xbox 360 for the kids for Christmas.  I was especially proud of the Xbox because I saved up all year to buy it.  Made me feel like I’d really accomplished a savings goal.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Kids' school/daycare/aftercare and mortgage. 
Oh, and I guess I cannot forget the $3000 I spent on maintenance for my car this year.  Sucks, but I grow very attached to things, especially my car.  And while it is a gas guzzler, it fits all three of my kids in carseats comfortably and I love to drive it.  It’s paid for and I’ve driven it for nearly 4 years now.

13. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Micky.  He finally reached the stage by the end of the year where he only throws 5 fits a day and they generally last no more than 5 minutes each.  I cannot tell you what a MIRACLE this is!

14. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sandusky.  I cannot tell you how strongly I detest this man.  And do NOT tell me innocent until proven guilty.  There are not fires strong enough in Hell to grant reprieve for the innocence he stole.

15. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Why yes, I believe I did.  Strangely enough, with myself first (“Well, hello my lovely self!  Where have you been all my life?”).  Next with my life and all its imperfections (I WILL make mistakes, and I will not self-combust and take out half the world’s population when I do).  And, finally, with Barry (though admittedly I am still a little shaky saying it out loud). 

16. What did you want and get?
A break.

17. What did you want and not get?
A break.

18. What did you get really excited about?
Making decisions on my own.  You’re probably thinking, “What?  You’re 38, you’ve never made decisions on your own?”  The sad fact is that most of my life I’ve been making decisions based on how I thought it would affect others, how others would feel about my decisions, how my decisions would impact my relationships with others.  This was the first year that I TRULY made decisions based on what was right for ME (and obviously my kids).  And I don’t mean I suddenly became selfish and self-centered and could care less about others.  I simply mean, financial decisions, work decisions, life decisions, I thought about ME first.  It’s hard to explain, but it was momentous and a bit life-altering.

19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Feels Like Home – Edwina Hayes

20. Compared to this time last year, are you:


• happier or sadder? Happier – without a doubt
• thinner or fatter? The same, though my face has gotten thinner again and I am not happy about that.
• richer or poorer?  Definitely less poor – in all aspects of my life: financially, emotionally and spiritually.

 21. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, read to the kids, read to myself, watch tv.

22. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Worry.

23. How did you spend Christmas?

Spent the day before with my parents, my kids and Barry.  We made a huge dinner (everyone pitched in on something – my dad was the store runner), opened all our family gifts, then went to evening candlelight service at church.  Christmas day, kids opened their Santa gifts (RENTON decided to get up at 1:30 am, open EVERYTHING, help himself to Emily and Micky’s gifts he decided he’d like to have, then woke Emily up at 2:30 – which is when I first caught him – then again at 4:30 and finally at 6am.) Then the kids went to be with their Dad, and Barry and I went to the movies to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie.  LOVED IT! 

Barry, Renton, Emily, Me and Micky

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I have found myself addicted to GRIMM.  I am not normally a fan of this type of movie or TV show.  HOWEVER, at a very early age I absolutely fell in love with the Grimm Fairytales.  I read every collection our library had and had them nearly memorized by the age of 7.  What I love about this show is how they are weaving in the old tales with new “villains.”  After all, Grimm stories were originally cautionary tales and I think it’s great to see them brought into the 21^st Century.  (I will admit the gore and changelings are a little hokey from time to time, but I still like it.)

25. What were your favorite books of the year?

Stephanie Barron’s Jane Austen series.  If you like Jane Austen you HAVE to read these books!  So much fun.

26. What was your favorite music from this year?
Mumford and Sons – Sigh No More

27. What were your favorite films of the year?

• Sherlock Holmes – Game of Shadows
• The Help
• Bridesmaids
• Rio

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 38 this year.  It’s still hard for me to believe.  I know people say it all the time, but I truly do not feel this old.  I took the kids out to Cheesecake Factory and we had a nice meal and bought a delicious cheesecake to share for dessert.  I also received a beautiful bouquet of flowers all the way from Ireland from Barry. A week later, my parents came up and my Mom and I celebrated our joint birthdays, and a few days later I was in Ireland and got an amazing spa weekend getaway and another beautiful pair of earrings from Barry.  It was a wonderful birthday!

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Becoming independently wealthy:  Freeing me to write, sew, travel and spend time with my kids without worrying about having only $5 left in my account at the end of the month.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Hand-me-down chic.  J  I am always immensely thankful to my sister and my mom for buying such awesome clothes because I always get their hand-me-downs when they are still in excellent shape!  Sarah gives me great sweaters and tops and pants (that I only have to take up about 4 inches), and my mom is constantly giving me FANTASTIC shoes!  I always get compliments and while my mom would cringe if she knew, I always thank people and say, “They’re hand-me-downs from my Mom (or sister)!”  People always look at me a little funny, but I am proud that we can all wear and use clothes efficiently and that they still look nice enough to earn compliments. 

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

• Marky Mark (oops – I mean Mark Wahlberg, I still fancy that video where he’s dancing on a wet street in a parking garage or something like that).   OH MY LORD!  I just googled the video - Good Vibrations - did my parents LET me watch that???  ;) 
• Robert Downey, Jr.  (My sister Sarah would like to point out there’s a theme here.  I would be happy to agree – hotness!)

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Unfortunately none.  I’m so done with conflict and controversy in my own life, I just don’t have the stomach for it anywhere else right now.  Sorry.  Maybe I’ll get some conviction in 2012

33. Who did you miss?
My little sister Sarah.  I think she is mean for following her dreams and moving out to Ohio.  (Not that moving out to Ohio was her dream, but she moved out there to be with her boyfriend and pursue her dreams of writing.  http://www.marinechick.com/ )


Sarah and Me at Sarah's 30th Birthday

34. Who was the best new person you met?

• The Women in my Writers’ Group (Inspiring - Plain and simple.)
• Barry (One of the kindest, most generous, caring people I know.)
• Myself (Sounds self-centered, I know.  But it's been a journey.)

35. What kept you sane?

The absolutely priceless gift of friendship and family that I have been blessed with.  It may have taken being brought to my lowest point in order to really accept the gift, but I have and it has saved my sanity over and over and over again this year.

Pete (Sarah's Boyfriend), Sarah, Me, Mom, Dad
Renton, Emily and Micky
Fourth of July 2011

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair
Mumford and Sons – After the Storm

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011

A card I keep on my bathroom mirror to remind myself when I forget.

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Thoughts on Thursdays: Long Lost Internal Voice

Just a brief moment to blog before heading into work this morning.

As many of you know, I have a very long commute to and from work each day. While it's a great time to listen to books on tape, NPR or my iTunes, I find I usually prefer to just drive in silence. It's a great time to do a lot of thinking.

This morning, I had an amazing discovery. As I was driving along, doing my usual recap-of-yesterday-what-do-I-still-need-to-do-today planning, I suddenly realized that my internal voice was telling me happy things!

Now mind you, this internal voice of mine has been perfectly awful to me the past, oh, 20 years or so. Telling me things like "You're so stupid.", "Wow that was a dorky thing to say.", "You're looking tired and ugly as usual.", "You suck as a mother.", "You're so stupid." (That last one being my internal voice's favorite slam.)

But this morning, as my mind was wandering through the black, glossy pavement of 28 and 66 and FFCPkwy, I actually began to hear, "You had great ideas yesterday!", "You're doing awesome at work.", "People like you.", "You're kids are so sweet and loving you've done a great job with them.", "You're doing your best, and it's pretty darn good!"

Not once did the "stupid" comment pop up. Not once.

And so I listened, feeling good and reveling in my long lost Happy Voice of childhood and teenage-hood and my college years. I'd almost forgotten what that voice sounded like!

Well, my wonderful, beautiful, positive internal voice: Welcome Back! I hope you decide to stay for a long, long time!

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That Damn Tooth Fairy!

Renton lost another tooth last night.  It was his third tooth.  One of the top ones - it's been loose for nearly two months and after everyone in the whole family had tried pulling it (seriously!) and it didn't come out - Renton decided that from that point forward he'd only let them fall out.  Well last night I was looking at it and it was starting to turn a greyish color and was very crooked.  Not good.  I told Renton, "We need to try to pull that honey.  It's not looking good." 

"Noooooooooo!"

Long story short, I convinced Renton that he could do the pulling and just give it a shot, if it didn't come out then we'd leave it in a bit longer.  Well out it came - ugh and it was nearly hollow inside which makes me a bit suspicious about it's condition.  Probably a good thing it came out.

So into a baggie with a note to the Tooth Fairy it went.  "Dear Tooth Fairy.  Here is my tooth.  I hope you like it.  P.S. How much does it weigh?"

Of course, this was one of those nights Renton had a hard time falling asleep so I couldn't get back in there to get his tooth.  . . .  And I ended up falling asleep!

The next thing I know it's 6am and I hear Renton crying miserably from his bedroom.  I'm still oblivious at this point in my half sleep delerium.  "Renton?  What's wrong?" 

"She forgot my tooth AGAIN!!!!!"  Followed by more end of the world wailing.

"Oh Renton, don't you remember?  This tooth fairy always takes two days to come get your tooth."  (Yep, that's right, I'm generally late on the tooth thing too!)

"Just put it back under your pillow, baby.  She's never completely forgotton you - she's probably just running late." 

Renton bought it (thankfully) and went off to go play with Emily.

I jumped out of bed and grabbed my wallet . . . one measly dollar bill!  OF COURSE!!!  Well, it'd be better than nothing.  So I quickly penned a note from the tooth fairy "Dear Renton.  I'm soooo sorry I am late.  There were so many lost teeth last night.  Thanks for your HUGE front tooth!  Love, The Tooth Fairy."

Then yelled downstairs, "Renton!  I think I just saw some little lights flying around your bed!"

"The TOOTH FAIRY!!!"  came the shouts as all three kids came tramping up the stairs to check under Renton's pillow.

"The Tooth Fairy came!  Hooray!"

"What'd you get Renton?"

"A dollar!!!"  he said as though it were $100 bill.

"Awesome!  What'd you get last time?"

"Two dollars." A little disappointedly.  "But that's okay."  He added, instantly cheering up.  "She wrote me a note!!!"

Kids are always ready to forgive. 

I'm so lucky.

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Into the fray

So I sorta jumped into this with both feet and with no real direction when I started it a few months ago (if you know me, you're not surprised).  Originally I thought I would just list "trips" or "excursions" or "great places to eat with little kids" type adventures.  As I've been thinking about it and looking into other blogs, I think I may just treat this as an "experiment in raising three kids on your own" blog.  I'd like to include tips and great products and other items that would be interesting and helpful for other moms (single or married), so look for those as well.  But I think it will be morphing more into a "surviving parenting in general" blog.

Please feel free to comment on ANYTHING!  I'd love your feedback - on style, on content, on what you'd like to see more of or less of, or just your reaction in general.  Eventually this will be the inspiration for some published writing . . . of some kind.  :)

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