Merry Mondays: Permission to Not Do Anything

A friend of mine recently explained to me that in her therapy, she has been told to work on giving herself permission to NOT DO ANYTHING.  I love this idea because when you are a single mom you don't get a whole lot of permission to just do nothing.

So . . . yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed (what's new) with continued nonsense from the X (via lawyers), and work and life (when did all those damn wrinkles appear around my eyes?!)

I was then feeling pressured by my own new idea to use these structured posting topics for my blog (jury is still out on this one).

Yesterday I had late meetings at work, took the kids to Target to spend some of their allowance  (because I had pinky promised them for three days now), then took all three to a Cub Scout Jamboree (still not sure I need to add this to my plate too) and finally got home at 8:15pm.  We finalized homework, had snacks, brushed teeth, washed faces and hands, and got everyone nicely in to bed (honest!). 

Then, it occurred to me that I had neglected my Merry Monday post and I wasn't feeling especially Merry at the moment.

So . . . I gave myself permission to sit on the couch, eat pretzels, drink hot cocoa and watch reruns of Sherlock on Netflix (I am so totally hooked and I can't decide if I have a bigger crush on Sherlock or Watson). 

Permission to veg making for a Merry Monday?  Elementary, my Dear Watson.  Elementary.

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Merry Monday: The First!

Hi all!  So I have decided to adopt a new format for my blog (borrowed from one of my favorite crafty blogs Sew Many Ways).  I'm hoping this helps me write more and enhance what I'm writing.  This is more for me than you (I'll admit it) but hopefully you find it more "predictable" in a good way, too!

Each day of the week will have a focused theme:

• Merry Mondays
• Tools & Tips Tuesdays
• I Wonder . . . Wednesdays
• Thoughts for Thursdays
• Fun Fridays
• (I'm leaving Saturday and Sunday open right now to give myself a little bit of a break.  ;)

I may play around with the categories a little until I find a perfect fit, but this is where I'm going to start.

So this is my first Merry Monday post!  Hooray!  That alone makes me happy.  But more specifically, yesterday was a great day.  The kids let me sleep til 8am, they turned the tv off without being told to, Renton made us all pancakes and cinnamon sugar toast for breakfast, my Dad watched the kids while my mom and I went to the mall, had flourless chocolate cake and chai tea lattes, and then I had a work picnic where the kids had a BLAST running around outside til the sun went down then got to play flashlight tag for the first time ever.

Happy Merry Monday!

I'd love to hear your Merry Monday thoughts as well.  Please leave a comment so I know you're out there.  :)

P.S.  I've gone back through old posts and tried to add these labels where they seemed appropriate . . .

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Making Room for New Growth

Well, I have not written in a looooong time.  Duh.  A lot has been going on.  But you all know me - I write in droughts and floods.  So here's to the end of the drought and to the beginning of a nice long flood!

To begin with, the kids and I now live in Chapel Hill, NC!  Whoo hoo for being closer to family!  I'll post more about this later, but it's been a great transition so far and I'm expecting great things in the future.

Which brings me to today's topic.  Making room for new growth.  

Very fittingly, Emily lost her first tooth two days after moving into our new house.  It's been wiggly for months.  I've been checking it regularly, but it was never quite right for pulling.  (And let me just tell you that I LOVE to pull loose teeth.  I've pulled most of my own, many of my nieces', and all but one of Renton's.  I have a pretty good knack for knowing when they are ready and for making the process painless.)

Anyway . . . a couple nights ago, Emily asked me to check her tooth again, and sure enough, it was feeling "ready".  We wrapped the floss around the tooth, making sure to get the floss snug up and over the back part of the tooth, so that it nearly disappeared between the gumline and the tooth itself (that's a pretty good test right there).  

The first yank produced a sort of ripping sound, and Emily's eyes got HUGE.  That was it, we were going all the way.  One more firm tug and the tooth popped out to squeals of joy!  This is always a big event in our house, and all three kids were dancing around singing and passing Emily's tooth around in all it's glory.  Even better was the fact that if you looked closely you could see the new tooth budding through the hole. 

Emily immediately tucked it in a little plastic baggie (never got around to getting those really cool tooth pillows for my kids - I know - I suck), and slid it under her pillow.  So true to Emily's nature, she made sure to put it under the pillow she was NOT sleeping on, so that the tooth fairy wouldn't have a hard time getting under it to retrieve the tooth.  One of Emily's best traits is her empathy.

The tooth fairy came right on time (a first for the fairy in our house) and even left Emily a note with her name.  This was Renton and Emily's biggest excitement because they were dying to find out if it would be the SAME tooth fairy or if they each had a different one.  It was the same fairy.  Her name is Esmerelda.

So what does all this have to do with anything?  Sometimes you have to lose something that once was a very integral part of your life, your being, your identity, to make room for better, more permanent things.  A baby tooth is beautiful and white and tiny and perfect.  But it will not serve you as you grow and become an adult.  For that, you need something bigger, stronger, and more permanent.  The transition can be long, scary and sometimes a little painful.  Getting help from another, experienced person helps. Being surrounded by cheerleaders and family makes it even a little bit exciting.  And in the end you can smile a big, HUGE, GLORIOUS smile - showing off your gaping hole to the world - the proud the symbol of your growth and progress.

So here's to new beginnings!  (Even if it's not the first set of new beginnings.)  There are better, more permanent things ahead for all of us.

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Happy Birthday Emily!

Six years ago today, my beautiful baby girl, Emily was born! It was a crazy pregnancy. She was so ready to come out and join the world! So many times and so many weeks before she was due. In the end, she was born six weeks early. I should have known she was going to have a determined, energetic personality, and that she would leave an impression on everyone who knew her.

My darling Emily Ann, I cannot imagine my life without you. Your strong heart and a gentle smile. You are the nursemaid to us all; quick with an icepack, a band aid and a kiss to soothe away our pain. Flanked by two boys, you can hold your own in any fight; verbal or hand-to-hand. Your laugh fills up any room, and your generosity is endless.

Your love of Ninjagos, Paper Rockets and Suped up Mustangs perfectly complements your silly giggles and giant hugs and mountains of stuffed animals; every one of them your “absolute favorite”.

You are my heart!





Here's a link to the fantastic eggless cookies I made for her class party (2 boys have allergies).
I added the cocoa powder, baking powder and rolled in pink sugar. Yummy!!!




More posts about Emily

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Merry Mondays: Party All Day

Emily's quote this morning, "I hate to tell you this Mommy . . . But today I'm gonna party all day!" Gotta love a 5 year old's outlook on life. :)

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Thank God for Resiliency

If my kids are anything, they are resilient. And while I'd like to take credit for that trait, I'm going to give credit where credit is due. This is 100% by the grace of God.

Now I'm not saying that we breeze through transitions like champs. No. Our day to day movement from one activity to the next often resembles more of a cross between alligator wrestling and a bad rerun of Cops.

But life has been so difficult for them these past couple of years.  I've done my best to hang onto the one foundational aspect of our lives - our home - and it hasn't been easy.  But it's been the one thing that has remained the same, while every other aspect of our lives swirls around us in constant flux, like standing in the eye of a hurricane.

A few months ago, my job moved out to Springfield.  It meant my commute suddenly became an hour longer each way, every day.  When you're a single parent, this has an obvious impact on your kids, and I wanted desperately for it not to.  My supervisors were incredibly flexible and allowed me to work a shortened work week so that I could still manage to pick the kids up on time at the end of the day. 

The catch was that I had to make up the additional hours from home later that evening or on weekends.  Initially, I thought this was a fantastic idea.  Looking back now, I don't know how I even THOUGHT I'd be able to manage that.  And needless to say, I couldn't.  When I got home, I wanted to put all my time into my kids, and then I needed some time for myself, and then there was that elusive thing called . . . sleep.

So a few weeks ago, I finally threw in the towel and decided I just needed to get the kids enrolled in Before Care and put in my full 8-9 hours each day at work so that I was 100% Mommy when I got home.  It was one of the best decisions I've made in a while.  Having my nights back means we get extra time after dinner to play and clean up the kitchen, snack bags are packed and ready for the next day, we get to read books and snuggle in bed each night without rushing, and I'm actually getting 7-8 hours of sleep!

In the beginning though, I worried about how this new transition was going to affect the kids.  We'd have to get up at 5:30am, be out the door by 6:30am, they'd eat breakfast at school instead of at home . . . .

The very first Monday was a little tiny bit rough.  But I have to tell you, Tuesday morning, the kids literally sprang out of bed, got dressed and in the car with enthusiasm, and excitedly ran into the school looking for their new friends, sitting eagerly down at the table to share their breakfasts. 

I remember a week later, standing outside the Before Care room looking in at my kids who were laughing and playing; happy and healthy.  We had successfully transitioned to a new routine and everyone was flourishing.  I stood there, looking in with a bit of bittersweet pride.  These were my kids; rolling with life, taking what was given to them and making it something beautiful and fun. 

I wouldn't be a Mom if I didn't want to continue to shelter them from all the awfulness around them now and the awfulness that is surely still to come . . . . But, I'm confident now, they are going to be just fine.

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My Little Boy is Three Today

I cannot believe Micky is three. My little boy. In many ways it feels like MUCH more than three years have passed, and yet is seems like I was just driving him home from the hospital down the snow-covered streets of Loudoun.

Micky’s short life has been surrounded by turmoil and upheaval from the very beginning. I became pregnant with Micky only a few short months after losing a baby five months into my pregnancy. It was traumatic to say the least. But it did not stop Micky from coming into my life. I was naturally very nervous all throughout the early stages of this pregnancy. And when I went into labor with him only 20 weeks along, panic probably didn’t quite express my emotions.

Going into labor for the fourth or fifth time . . .

The hospital was able to stop it by administering Terbutaline through a HUGE needle into my butt! (And, yes, it hurt like Hell.) They also injected me with steroids to beef up his lungs in case he did actually deliver prematurely. (This was nothing new to me at the time. The same happened with Emily around 24 weeks and I was put on bed-rest. She did eventually deliver 8 weeks premature – but to see her today, you’d never guess she once was a preemie!)

When I continued to go into labor every two to three weeks after that (that’s right folks, I was in full on labor and had it medically stopped over FIVE times with Micky! Pain in the @ss – literally) the all-clear-38-week-milestone couldn’t come fast enough for me. Luckily Micky made it that long, and the final labor lasted only a few hours and out popped a healthy, full-term, little baby. My first memory of him was listening to him hum softly to himself in his sleep the first night in the hospital. Even the nurses commented on it. Micky was already soothing himself. It was beautiful.

Three months later, I noticed his head seemed to be growing much faster than the rest of him. Pediatric checkups confirmed the growth rate was a concern. The word “Hydrocephalus” was mentioned (TRUST ME DO NOT GOOGLE THIS WORD), and an MRI confirmed it. Micky did, in fact, have hydrocephalus. I was devastated. On the good side, aside from his “big ole head”, he was not showing any other symptoms. He was the most calm, happy, interactive little baby you could imagine. I immediately went to my best source of information and support (my Mothers’ Group) and received an outpouring of prayers, sympathy and wonderful advice from mothers whose own children had been diagnosed with hydrocephaly and had grown into perfectly healthy toddlers! Micky’s hydrocephaly ended up resolving on its own – no need for stints or other interventions – thank God. But the scare was life changing.

Micky's always smiling - despite his "Big Brain"

Seven months later (two months before his first birthday), his father and I separated. Not that any separation or divorce is ever totally without craziness, but this one was definitely a mess. I will not go into details here, but over the next six months, Micky had to be pulled from our family daycare, the kids were repeatedly rushed down to my parents, police became a common appearance at our door and most exchanges, and Micky’s life was anything but routine. It took another year for things to finally, sort of, settle down and a more normal routine to be back in place.


Micky's First Christmas - 2009

I know most people will tell you that kids “don’t remember these times in their lives.” I’m sure to some extent that’s true; Micky will not have a concrete memory of the events in his early years. But your environment impacts your development, perhaps even more so in the early years. And despite this (and okay, despite the fact that he is currently a stubborn, crazy, force to be reckoned with) he is one of the happiest little balls of humor and love I’ve ever known. Micky may use up every ounce of your patience and bring you to tears faster than Kleenex commercial . . .

A Little Sampling of a Micky Tantrum . . .

but he will also make you laugh til you cry with his perfectly timed, funny little jokes, his Groucho Marx walk, his quirky facial expressions; and melt your heart with his bear hugs and snuggly kisses.

Micky and my Mom - 4th of July 2011

Micky is a character. There is no other way to describe him. And he already has an infectious personality. When parents see me with him at church they come running up to me, “Oh my gosh! Are you Micky’s Mom?! My daughter (or son) can’t stop talking about him! She loves him! Every night at dinner we can’t wait to hear the newest story about Micky!” (I kid you not. This was an actual conversation.)  I’m sure my mouth gaped open with a look of stupidity plastered across it for several minutes. Then I smiled, because I knew what they were talking about.

Micky always has fun with his food

Micky Anderson Varga (Plummer). You have graced this Earth for three years now, and already you have made your mark upon the places and the people blessed enough to know you. I am thankful that I have been given the greatest gift of all – of being your Mom.

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What's for Dinner!

Turkey Meatball Burgers, Fresh Peas, Roasted Potato Wedges and Mini Pudding Pies

That's right folks!  THIS is what the kids and I got to eat tonight!  Can I just tell you how absolutely delicious and beautiful it was?  Take a look at the size of the vegetable portion I am eating (if you know me, you know how incredibly amazing that is).  Everything was perfect.  My kids ate it all up - in fact, they did the best with the peas, too.  Who would have ever thought it?

I don't know for certan if it was this meal or not (I'm willing to wager it was) but we were all in such a good mood after dinner that we were giggling and laughing and tickling and smiling and full of love and hapiness.

Amazing what good food will do.



Had to include a close up of these peas.

*  I know this meal is not YET up on http://foodwithpictures.wordpress.com/  I hope I didn't trump a post by talking about it here.  :)  If I did, my apologies, but I can't keep my mouth shut about amazing food!

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Swing! Batter! Batter! Batter!

Last night was insane. Renton had a t-ball game at 5:30. That's a normal time . . . for a two parent household. It's a sucky time for a working mother of three kids who are all at different schools and daycares. So I wasn't that stressed out when I left work yesterday at 5 and knew we'd be a "little late." Of course, picking up Emily took a bit longer than expected (once we got out to the car and all clicked in, Emily realized she'd left her stuffed animals back in her cubby), then Micky decided to have a knock down drag out (KDDO) with me over:
1) going up the stairs one step too far in front of him
2) not letting him give me my shoes before I put them on (requiring that I take them off again, hand them to him, let him hand them back to me one at a time, and then put them back on)
3) going out the front door with him rather than letting him close it with me still in the babysitter's house (which experience had already told me usually resulting in his making a mad dash straight out into the street in the time it took me to open the door again)
4)getting in his carseat . . . period.

Let me remind you that yesterday was 101 degrees with the humidity factor and I REALLY hate hot weather to begin with. The KDDO resulted in me getting my hair pulled, shirt ripped, face slapped, glasses torn off my face and thrown on the floor, and me drenched in sweat still wearing work clothes.

But! Haha! I won! (Yes I celebrate small victories over two year olds.) Micky was strapped in - that was the point. By the time I readjusted my clothes, put my hair back in a pony tail, found my glasses lodged under the front seat and got behind the wheel, Micky was blissfully singing "Mamma Mia" in the back seat as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. Renton and Emily were sagely silent with their knowing looks - waiting for the tell-tale, long and slow breath I would exhale to let everyone know I was back, I was breathing, and things would be ok.

So, now it was 5:45. Renton's game was (so I thought at the time) across town - we should be able to make it in 15 minutes and there would still be 45 minutes of the game remaining. We set off. 15 minutes later we pulled into the empty parking lot of the Middle School. Hmm . . . this was not looking good. I glanced back at Renton and saw his eyes welling up. Crap! This was one of those moments where you just feel like you failed the good Mommy test. How hard is it to get a kid to a game on time? How hard is it to get a kid to a game?

I pulled out my iPhone and started looking around desperately for some piece of information that would contain the game location - because obviously THIS was not it! It's like looking for that one receipt when you really need to return something - you KNOW you have it somewhere - but where the H@## is it? No luck on the emails. I start posting facebook inquiries. I wait. Five minutes go by. Nothing. 10 minutes. Nothing. I start scouring my emails again. I finally remember I can check the website (Duh! This is one of the reasons I hate hot weather - my brain swells and stops working efficiently.)

There it is - Belmont Ridge Middle School. Of course! Because that was only 2 minutes from Micky's babysitter and clear BACK across town! Now it's 6:15 pm - we should be able to make it there by 6:30 with 15 minutes left to play. I glance back at Renton sitting there patiently in his uniform and baseball cap. "Renton, we can make it with 15 minutes left. It's up to you. Do you still want to go or do you want to head home?" He starts crying. Wow. I'm awesome.

Alright, we head for the game. But once again, when we pull in, the parking lot is suspiciously empty of cars and the field is completely bare. "What?!?!" Renton yells from the back seat! "Mommy! Really! The next time I have a game can you check the location BEFORE we start driving?!" "Yes, Renton" I admit sheepishly. "That's actually a great idea. I'll be sure to do that."

But waaaaay off in the distance over several hills and across other soccer fields I spy a second baseball field - is it possible THIS is where his game is? "All right kids. Let's go give that field a try." So out we pile from the car. Micky insists on using his stroller, Emily carrying her 6 stuffed animals, Renton dragging his aluminum bat across the asphalt half dejectedly, but wearing a smile on his face when I glance over at him. "All right guys, let's run a bit and see if we can make it over there before the game ends." "Let's go!" They all yell in unison. Though in all honesty, I don't think we actually moved any faster.

Five minutes later we'd made it across the field and it looked like Renton's team was at bat - success! (That's the best part anyway - if Renton could get one hit in then I could possibly redeem myself.) He ran into the dugout and put on his batting helmet. I was walking over to the bleachers with Emily and Micky when the coach came over and said, "Hey - are you with the Knights?" "Yep" I answered "Sorry we're so late." "Actually, this is the wrong team then." What??? And that's when I looked a little more closely at the little kids. Granted, no one had looked familiar to me as we were walking up, but then again, my brain was shot so I figured that was just a side-effect. But when I looked at the shirts and baseball caps on the little kids (which by the way were the EXACT color as Renton's) I noticed the log was different. MUDDOGS or SANDFLEAS (or something like that) NOT Knights. Ugh.

Renton walked over to me, looked up at me with his big brown eyes, then slid down my leg to the grass and quietly started crying again. I joined him on the grass and gave him a big hug. "Darn it Renton - this has not been a good day for baseball, has it?"

"No, Mommy it hasn't."

And that's when the sky burst with thunder and lightening flashed. You've got to be kidding me. Really? Sure enough the sky was filling with black clouds. The second time the lightening flashed everyone started running. We did, too. "Come on guys! Back to the car! Let's run!" And I tried to make it sound fun. So we all jumped up and headed back across the hills and fields toward the car with the black clouds not far behind us. Just as we made it to the car, the sky opened up and the rain fell out. Now we were seaty and wet and hot and tired. Micky got in his seat without a fight though, and I had a facebook message waiting for me telling me the game had been called in the first inning due to lightening. Of course it had. I looked back at everyone neatly in their carseats, waiting, and I smiled. We all erupted into laughter.

"Mommy?" Emily said.

"Yes, Emily?"

"You're the best Mommy ever!"

"I agree, Mommy!" Renton cheered. "But next time, can you check the address first?"

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Not on the grass . . .

I'll never forget how my mom would make us dump the pool at the end of each day so that we didn't "burn the grass."  It would annoy me - I can admit that today (well, I probably made that pretty clear back then, too) and I didn't understand what the big deal was about grass.  It's GRASS!  You walk on it, you pull it, it dies, it grows back. . . .

This weekend I found myself becoming my mom (something I find happening more and more lately) as I spent 30 minutes filling the inflatable pool with water, watching the kids have a blast in it for an hour or two, and then making them dump it so we could "store the pool til next weekend." (I couldn't bear to actually say, "so we don't kill the grass.")  *As a side note: it has taken me TWO YEARS to get anything that even resembles grass to grow in the back yard!  So maybe now I'm starting to get it Mom - yes, now I'm starting to get it.

But it's been sooooo incredibly hot this week and I just wanted the kids to be able to dip in the pool for a few minutes at the end of each day, cool off, burn off some energy, have some fun.  So I had the great idea of putting the pool up on the deck (yes, I know I'm not the inventor of this idea, but it was great for me) and being able to leave it there at least for longer than a few hours at a time.

Fantastic!  Aside from the part where the pool floor is now super slippery (no soft ground underneath for friction) and the "cannonballing" and "diving" has become somewhat perilous, it's been wonderful. 

Last night I brought all our dinner out to the deck and the kids were able to eat and play and eat and play and I was able to sit back and just relax and watch them having fun - I even sprayed them a few times under the guise of "getting the wasps away".  All the giggles and smiles and love and none of the worry about killed grass.  I have to admit it was a truly wonderful experience (different from my usual harried running around trying to "get things done" in the hour and a half between coming home from work and before the kids head up to bed.)

Pool on the Porch = Ahhhhhhhhhh
(that's "ahhh" as in I am relaxed, not "ahhhh" as in I am screaming ;)

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