When I started this blog, it was not about putting myself on a pedestal because I was a single mother, or a working-single-mother or a crazy-overacheiving-working-single-mother. It was because I needed a place to get out the craziness of what it was like being a MOTHER, who happened to also be single and working and a little bit crazy. I needed to vent. I needed to let people who knew me and thought I “had it all together” know that I most certainly did NOT have it all together; in fact I was lucky if I had even 2% of it together most of the time. The “single” part clearly makes mothering more difficult, but as I myself experienced through most of my marriage, and I know from talking to currently married mothers, you can be married and still be a “single mom.”
I want to preface this by saying that I am not husband bashing. I think marriage is an amazing, wonderful, sacred thing (or at least it should be). And that each marriage carries with it a different set of responsibilities and rules and obligations and arrangements. Hopefully, they are respectful, and equal out in ways that outsiders (or insiders) may not notice at first glance. I believe whole-heartedly that there are amazing men out there who really do get involved, and WANT to be involved, and present, and helpful and caring around the home and regarding parenting.
But there are many, many mothers out there who, for one reason or another, are doing the parenting thing alone (deployed husbands, work-aholic husbands, checked-out husbands). And ladies, I admire you all more than you know! You have hard work on your hands.
But I have learned a few things over my two years of doing it totally alone (and by "totally alone" I mean with amazing help and support of friends and family and even strangers in Target sometimes when I finally learned how to ask for and receive that help). And I want to share those lessons with you. So PLEASE:
1. Remember to let the little things go – your sleep is worth more than picking up an abandoned game piece or toy or even the kitchen sink.
2. Ask for help – from your husband (if you have one) and from your kids. It’s never too late to start learning (and expecting) shared responsibilities.
3. Absolutely remember to take care of yourself – especially if no one else is going to or can.
4. Brushing your teeth every day is good – sometimes it is the little routines that keep you going even when you don’t want to.
5. Give yourself a break – you do NOT have to do everything – the Earth will keep on spinning, your kids will get fed, and demonstrating respect for yourself is one of the best gifts you can ever give your children.
Here is the “humorous” story one of my friends posted on Facebook that made me start thinking of how hard all mom’s out there work, single or not.
******************************
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, 'I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed'.
... She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.
She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk, wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.
Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.
Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.'
I'm on my way,' she said. She put some water into the dog's dish then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was off.
She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.
In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. 'I'm going to bed'
And he did. Without another thought.
******************************
And now, I am going to bed.
Pin It
