Is it ever too early to be proud of your child's values?

I love the fact that my son chooses his friends based on their kindness and intelligence.

I don't think I've ever heard him say "So-and-so is so popular!"  or "So-and-so is the coolest kid in the shcool, I want to be friends with her."

When just before Christmas Renton announced that he had a "girlfriend", I was intrigued. 

"Oh yah?  What's she like?"  I asked.  (Secretly terrified that this part of Renton's life had already begun.)

His face lit up and he said, "She is SOOOOO smart!  She is so nice.  She helps other kids in class.  She's really polite.  She likes me and she's nice to me."  He paused.  "And she's REALLY pretty!"

When I met his "girlfriend" at the Christmas Program a few weeks later, I had to agree.  She is an adorable little girl.  And she was very nice and obviously the other kids in the class liked her, too. 

This weekend, he has excitedly planned his first playdate all on his own.  With a little boy in his class who is equally "smart" and "kind" and "polite".  Renton tells me how they both like to read the same books and are "good at computers". 

Am I possibly proud that my son is what some would classify as "geeky"?  ABSOLUTELY 100%!  But what I am more proud of is the fact that HE is proud of that.  Because the more he sees these traits (GOOD traits) as necessary and important and "cool", the more he expresses this outloud, and continues to make and maintain friendships everywhere he goes, then the more other kids around him will start valuing these traits as well.  And if this world needs more of anything, it's more people who are "smart" and "kind" and "polite".

And so each time I think about Renton and his little friend, I think about the order in which he listed the adjectives describing her.  "Smart", "Nice", "Helpful", "Kind", "Beautiful".  If those are the qualifications by which he chooses his friends (and hopefully will always choose his girlfriends) then I know he is on the right path to good places in his life. 

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Please Sir, Can I Have Some More?

Oh boy – I could go on for pages about what I’d like more of . . .

• Time
• Money
• Friends
• Babysitters
• Time
• Sleep
• Money
• Time
• Downton Abbey
• My mom’s really cool shoes
• Patience
• Time
• Free movie tickets
• Massages
• Did I mention time?

Okay, so that’s not really surprising. But a few months ago I was complaining on Facebook (I know, what’s new?) about how I hate not getting home each night until 7pm and still needing to clean up the kitchen and make dinner, while I’d really rather spend a few minutes of down time with my kids, or at least help them with their homework, and have five minutes to change out of my work clothes. (That’s the time issue.)

A friend of mine from high school who lives in France and has FIVE BOYS, that’s right FIVE (I am immensely jealous of her on both those points) had a wonderful suggestion. She mentioned that there was a time when her husband was away for an extended period of time (for work I think) and that she really struggled, herself, with that transition period when she’d first get home. She ended up finding someone who, for a bit of extra money, would be willing to be there when she got home and act as an extra pair of hands. It was a great idea!

The only stickler for me is that I don’t really like having more people around right at that transition time because it’s the time when I probably have the least amount of patience, and it would stress me out because, knowing me, I’d feel more like I needed to entertain whoever was helping me rather than let her actually help me. Plus, I didn’t really want someone to take away my responsibilities of being with the kids (that was the part that I actually wanted MORE of). But I did need/want help with the food prep and kitchen straightening.

So, I vowed that I would give myself a month to streamline my finances and put aside a little extra so that I could ask for that help. I also wanted to really think through my strategy; who would I want to ask? what would I want to ask for help with?

Two weeks ago I was ready to go forward with the plan. I decided that I wanted to offer the “job” to a teen who might be willing to earn a bit of extra cash on the side, because I know I would have LOVED to make a bit of extra money this way when I was a teen. And I was hoping that asking the teen of a mom who I already knew made great food would cause the least burden on that family; that making an extra couple of servings of dinner they were already making for their own family wouldn’t be too strenuous. But who would I trust to come into my home while I was away? I really didn’t have to think about that one very long.

A friend of mine, who I met through my Mother’s Group, had just started a food blog (Food with Pictures) and so the food thing I KNEW would be delicious, AND she had a teenage daughter who I knew was absolutely trustworthy and a sweetheart to boot. If I were going to give my money to anyone, this was the family!

So I reached out to my friend . . . and she accepted! HOORAY!!!

This was our first week of trying out the arrangement, and so far it’s been an absolute success! Tuesday, I came home to Creamed Chicken, fresh steamed broccoli and carrots, Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits, and the most gorgeous strawberries and pineapples for dessert! DELICIOUS!

My kids were so excited to try something new and gobbled it all up. Plus, the bonus was there was enough for Wednesday night, too! And, never let me forget the fact that the dishwasher had been emptied, dishes that had piled up in my sink were put in the dishwasher, the dishwasher was run, the sink and countertops were all clean, and the table was set!

Last night we were treated to Chicken with Pasta, a soft and crusty loaf of bread, and scrumdiliumptious Sugar Cookies. Once again the dishwasher had been emptied out and all the dishes put away where they belonged! I didn’t even have to explain to her where things went – not sure how she figured that all out, but she did.

I cannot tell you what a relief it is not to have to worry about “What’s for Dinner” during the week anymore. In fact, I really like the fact that it’s kind of a surprise. (I do LOVE surprises). I watch my friend’s blog thinking to myself, “Oooh! I hope we get THAT this week!” or “Oh my goodness! I hope they made that for us!” I have something to look forward to on Tuesday and Thursday nights, and I now have more time (and less stress) at the end of the day to spend with my kids.

To the friend who originally made the suggestion, and to the Mom and Daughter who are doing the cooking and cleaning – A THOUSAND THANK YOUS!

You have given me the precious, immeasurable gift of a little more time in my life.

Chicken and Pasta!

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Thoughts on Thursdays: 2011 Recap

Okay - following in the footsteps of my Women Who Write bloggers, Clueless But Hopeful and Beyond Diapers I am posting a fill-in-the-blank recap for 2011.  And by the way, I have edited this a few times in case you come back and it looks a little different.  (Accidentally left out a few of the questions).  And if the numbering is off, sorry.  That’s from editing as well.  My posts, just like my life, are always a work in progress.  Check back often to witness the changes. 

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Took a step back.
I wrote this first, then wrote the rest of the post, then came back to this and thought to myself, "Did I?"  Not sure if this statement is accurate anymore, as this is also the year I:

• Started writing a novel, Train Wreck
• Started writing my grandmother's memoir, My Life as a Saint
• Started a reusable bag line, HappyEarth Bags
• Started three new blogs to host my creative endeavors
• Started a programming class
• Travelled to Ireland twice

However, in my defense, I also:

• Took a break from writing when I knew it was overwhelming me.Canceled my Family Tree subscription when I realized I was staying up til 3am night after night chasing down the elusive new leaves that kept popping up.

Said "no" to making more snack bags and yoga bags before the end of the year, so that I could focus on my family instead.

Quit my programming class half way through but still managed a "B"

Stopped pulling weeds out of my yard when my fingers were bleeding and it wasn't making a difference anyway.

Learned to let the dishes pile up in the sink.

Learned to let the toys overwhelm the toy room.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think my only resolutions for 2011 were: 

• Survive
• Be true to yourself

I think I managed both.
This year, my resolutions are as follows:

• Do Less
• Believe in Yourself

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.  Sadly.  I LOVE babies!  =)  The kids keep asking me when we can adopt some babies to make a bigger family.  I love that they love babies, too, and feel loved enough to want to add more to our family.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.  Happily.

5. What countries did you visit?
Ireland.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
These kinds of questions are difficult for me because I don’t like “regret.”  However, if forced to answer a question like this, I would have to say, I would love to have more sleep, more adventures, and more stability.  Do those even go together?

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 29^th – thanks to a snow storm that kept my mom at my house an extra week, I was able to attend the DC Gaels’ Dinner Dance and Award’s Ceremony and met Barry.

Barry and Me at the Dinner Dance

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
FINANCES:  Made ends meet financially and was able to splurge a little on Christmas this year.  Got a promotion and a raise at work.
KIDS:  My BIGGEST achievement of the year was HANDS DOWN, cutting out the extracurricular activities for the kids.  Several months ago, I decided to drop EVERYTHING the kids were signed up for afterschool (except CCD) and it was the MOST liberating thing for all of us.  It gave us so much more time back and relieved us of so much stress!  I don’t care if my kids will not become master soccer players or Tae Kwon Do black belts at the age of 9 – WE will be a solid family!
SELF:  Finally hearing a positive inner voice.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not eating right.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Started the year with “Victorian” ailments:  Croup, Whooping Cough, Vitamin D deficiency and lice
Ended the year with “stress” ailments:  Migraines and Thyroid and Intestinal Issues   

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane tickets to Ireland and an Xbox 360 for the kids for Christmas.  I was especially proud of the Xbox because I saved up all year to buy it.  Made me feel like I’d really accomplished a savings goal.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Kids' school/daycare/aftercare and mortgage. 
Oh, and I guess I cannot forget the $3000 I spent on maintenance for my car this year.  Sucks, but I grow very attached to things, especially my car.  And while it is a gas guzzler, it fits all three of my kids in carseats comfortably and I love to drive it.  It’s paid for and I’ve driven it for nearly 4 years now.

13. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Micky.  He finally reached the stage by the end of the year where he only throws 5 fits a day and they generally last no more than 5 minutes each.  I cannot tell you what a MIRACLE this is!

14. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Sandusky.  I cannot tell you how strongly I detest this man.  And do NOT tell me innocent until proven guilty.  There are not fires strong enough in Hell to grant reprieve for the innocence he stole.

15. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Why yes, I believe I did.  Strangely enough, with myself first (“Well, hello my lovely self!  Where have you been all my life?”).  Next with my life and all its imperfections (I WILL make mistakes, and I will not self-combust and take out half the world’s population when I do).  And, finally, with Barry (though admittedly I am still a little shaky saying it out loud). 

16. What did you want and get?
A break.

17. What did you want and not get?
A break.

18. What did you get really excited about?
Making decisions on my own.  You’re probably thinking, “What?  You’re 38, you’ve never made decisions on your own?”  The sad fact is that most of my life I’ve been making decisions based on how I thought it would affect others, how others would feel about my decisions, how my decisions would impact my relationships with others.  This was the first year that I TRULY made decisions based on what was right for ME (and obviously my kids).  And I don’t mean I suddenly became selfish and self-centered and could care less about others.  I simply mean, financial decisions, work decisions, life decisions, I thought about ME first.  It’s hard to explain, but it was momentous and a bit life-altering.

19. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Feels Like Home – Edwina Hayes

20. Compared to this time last year, are you:


• happier or sadder? Happier – without a doubt
• thinner or fatter? The same, though my face has gotten thinner again and I am not happy about that.
• richer or poorer?  Definitely less poor – in all aspects of my life: financially, emotionally and spiritually.

 21. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Exercise, read to the kids, read to myself, watch tv.

22. What do you wish you’d done less of?


Worry.

23. How did you spend Christmas?

Spent the day before with my parents, my kids and Barry.  We made a huge dinner (everyone pitched in on something – my dad was the store runner), opened all our family gifts, then went to evening candlelight service at church.  Christmas day, kids opened their Santa gifts (RENTON decided to get up at 1:30 am, open EVERYTHING, help himself to Emily and Micky’s gifts he decided he’d like to have, then woke Emily up at 2:30 – which is when I first caught him – then again at 4:30 and finally at 6am.) Then the kids went to be with their Dad, and Barry and I went to the movies to see the new Sherlock Holmes movie.  LOVED IT! 

Barry, Renton, Emily, Me and Micky

24. What was your favorite TV program?
I have found myself addicted to GRIMM.  I am not normally a fan of this type of movie or TV show.  HOWEVER, at a very early age I absolutely fell in love with the Grimm Fairytales.  I read every collection our library had and had them nearly memorized by the age of 7.  What I love about this show is how they are weaving in the old tales with new “villains.”  After all, Grimm stories were originally cautionary tales and I think it’s great to see them brought into the 21^st Century.  (I will admit the gore and changelings are a little hokey from time to time, but I still like it.)

25. What were your favorite books of the year?

Stephanie Barron’s Jane Austen series.  If you like Jane Austen you HAVE to read these books!  So much fun.

26. What was your favorite music from this year?
Mumford and Sons – Sigh No More

27. What were your favorite films of the year?

• Sherlock Holmes – Game of Shadows
• The Help
• Bridesmaids
• Rio

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 38 this year.  It’s still hard for me to believe.  I know people say it all the time, but I truly do not feel this old.  I took the kids out to Cheesecake Factory and we had a nice meal and bought a delicious cheesecake to share for dessert.  I also received a beautiful bouquet of flowers all the way from Ireland from Barry. A week later, my parents came up and my Mom and I celebrated our joint birthdays, and a few days later I was in Ireland and got an amazing spa weekend getaway and another beautiful pair of earrings from Barry.  It was a wonderful birthday!

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Becoming independently wealthy:  Freeing me to write, sew, travel and spend time with my kids without worrying about having only $5 left in my account at the end of the month.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Hand-me-down chic.  J  I am always immensely thankful to my sister and my mom for buying such awesome clothes because I always get their hand-me-downs when they are still in excellent shape!  Sarah gives me great sweaters and tops and pants (that I only have to take up about 4 inches), and my mom is constantly giving me FANTASTIC shoes!  I always get compliments and while my mom would cringe if she knew, I always thank people and say, “They’re hand-me-downs from my Mom (or sister)!”  People always look at me a little funny, but I am proud that we can all wear and use clothes efficiently and that they still look nice enough to earn compliments. 

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

• Marky Mark (oops – I mean Mark Wahlberg, I still fancy that video where he’s dancing on a wet street in a parking garage or something like that).   OH MY LORD!  I just googled the video - Good Vibrations - did my parents LET me watch that???  ;) 
• Robert Downey, Jr.  (My sister Sarah would like to point out there’s a theme here.  I would be happy to agree – hotness!)

32. What political issue stirred you the most?

Unfortunately none.  I’m so done with conflict and controversy in my own life, I just don’t have the stomach for it anywhere else right now.  Sorry.  Maybe I’ll get some conviction in 2012

33. Who did you miss?
My little sister Sarah.  I think she is mean for following her dreams and moving out to Ohio.  (Not that moving out to Ohio was her dream, but she moved out there to be with her boyfriend and pursue her dreams of writing.  http://www.marinechick.com/ )


Sarah and Me at Sarah's 30th Birthday

34. Who was the best new person you met?

• The Women in my Writers’ Group (Inspiring - Plain and simple.)
• Barry (One of the kindest, most generous, caring people I know.)
• Myself (Sounds self-centered, I know.  But it's been a journey.)

35. What kept you sane?

The absolutely priceless gift of friendship and family that I have been blessed with.  It may have taken being brought to my lowest point in order to really accept the gift, but I have and it has saved my sanity over and over and over again this year.

Pete (Sarah's Boyfriend), Sarah, Me, Mom, Dad
Renton, Emily and Micky
Fourth of July 2011

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair
Mumford and Sons – After the Storm

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011

A card I keep on my bathroom mirror to remind myself when I forget.

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