Single Moms are Crazy!

A single mom friend of mine just posting this article on her FB page Single Moms are Crazy! (If you haven't read it, you should.  And then you should spend a few minutes thinking about it.)

And I think to myself.  I certainly feel crazy A LOT.  But crazy fun? Crazy tired? Crazy stupid? Crazy insane? Crazy in need of  a seriously real vacation?

I happen to be having a particularly grumpy day today; feeling sorry for myself, and angry at the fact that every moment of my life uses every ounce of my patience and my energy and I rarely have a moment to really just relax on my own or go out and be social in a non-working, non-mom related scenario.  I know most moms feel this way, even if they are not single.  But I am single, and it adds a strange extra layer of meaning and implication to everything I do.  And some days I really, really, really hate it.

Here's a perfect example.  I just moved closer to my parents to get help with the kids (one of the reasons, anyway).  And they do help, so much, and in many ways.  But it's the kind of help most people are willing to give a single mom; the emergency help.  I can ask for help if it's a doctor appointment or because I have to go to court (for the one-hundredth time!), or to pick up an extra gallon of milk for me.   And do NOT get me wrong.  It is invaluable and precious help.  But no one ever really wants to help if it's just to allow me get out and "relax."  Then I get looked at like I'm being selfish, or I don't really "rate" getting a chance to relax because somehow it was my "fault" that I am parenting on my own . . .

These days, I struggle to work in a little, mini staycation a few evenings at home.  11pm, house is quiet, I forgo a shower, I forgo the ironing and the three loads of laundry waiting to be folded, I've done the dishes, I've made the snacks and the lunches and organized this week's legal documents into "response" piles.  I curl up on the couch and drink hot cocoa and eat pretzels and watch tv on Netflix.  I try to make this little bit of time force my brain and my senses and my emotions to relax.  So far, I think the trick is working.  But OH!  How I wish just one night, I could go out with a small group of friends or even a potential date, and just walk along and feel . . . happy to be something other than a persecuted single mom.