Thoughts on Thursdays: Long Lost Internal Voice

Just a brief moment to blog before heading into work this morning.

As many of you know, I have a very long commute to and from work each day. While it's a great time to listen to books on tape, NPR or my iTunes, I find I usually prefer to just drive in silence. It's a great time to do a lot of thinking.

This morning, I had an amazing discovery. As I was driving along, doing my usual recap-of-yesterday-what-do-I-still-need-to-do-today planning, I suddenly realized that my internal voice was telling me happy things!

Now mind you, this internal voice of mine has been perfectly awful to me the past, oh, 20 years or so. Telling me things like "You're so stupid.", "Wow that was a dorky thing to say.", "You're looking tired and ugly as usual.", "You suck as a mother.", "You're so stupid." (That last one being my internal voice's favorite slam.)

But this morning, as my mind was wandering through the black, glossy pavement of 28 and 66 and FFCPkwy, I actually began to hear, "You had great ideas yesterday!", "You're doing awesome at work.", "People like you.", "You're kids are so sweet and loving you've done a great job with them.", "You're doing your best, and it's pretty darn good!"

Not once did the "stupid" comment pop up. Not once.

And so I listened, feeling good and reveling in my long lost Happy Voice of childhood and teenage-hood and my college years. I'd almost forgotten what that voice sounded like!

Well, my wonderful, beautiful, positive internal voice: Welcome Back! I hope you decide to stay for a long, long time!

Pin It

Coffee Break

The past few weeks I have had the good fortune to be able to work from home, well actually from the kids' school. It's been a real blessing because I've saved money on gas and I've been able to work in a relaxed environment and even make some new friends.

The school has an amazing cafe and free wifi so I'm set when I go in. Each morning, I'd drop the kids of then leisurely set up my "work station" and, listening to the relaxing jazzy tunes floating through the air, go order my coffee.

But here's the thing. I don't like coffee. Not really. I never have. But there's something about being in a cafe that makes me feel like I should be drinking coffee. So I order it. Fill it with sugar and half 'n' half, settle in with my laptop and get cracking on work. I take a sip . . . and four hours later I end up throwing the nearly untouched, now-cold coffee away. The next day? I repeat the same process. And over and over again.

Last Friday it suddenly struck me - that I don't actually have to order the coffee. I don't like it. I don't have to learn to like it. I don't need it. So there it was. A revelation long in the making. I can listen to my internal voice. It's a good voice. It deserves my respect because I ignored it for years.

Today, I bought a Dr. Pepper, and it was delicious!

Pin It